apparently this is real.
“together at last.”
god, even the name sounds like a threat.
i don’t know how i feel about it.
which probably means i feel too much about it.
some days i think it’ll be funny.
forty strangers locked in a building trying to prove they're worthy of love and connection.
maybe i’ll get matched with someone kind and soft and steady and i’ll panic immediately.
maybe i’ll get matched with someone sharp enough to cut me and i’ll call that destiny.
maybe i won’t get matched with the person everyone thinks i should.
(yes, i saw the participant list. yes, i noticed the names. no, i will not elaborate.)
it’s weird knowing certain people will be there.
there’s the one who blocked me.
which is fine. completely fine.
i’m sure he doesn’t even remember.
i definitely don’t think about it when i see his name on the list.
there’s the girl who once aimed arrows at a target like it owed her money.
i quit before she could see what losing to her did to me.
we almost kissed once.
statistically irrelevant.
and then there’s the one i haven’t told.
that part feels… not great.
we talk about energy and alignment and the universe wanting what it wants.
i haven’t mentioned that the universe will be assigning me a spouse in february.
feels like an awkward detail to drop between “how was your day” and “i feel cosmically connected to you.”
maybe i’m waiting to see if it matters.
maybe i’m keeping an exit open.
maybe i just don’t like anyone knowing they could lose me.
i don’t know if i’m excited.
i don’t know if i’m terrified.
i don’t know if i’m secretly hoping the algorithm will see something in me that i can’t.
mostly i just hate that i won’t be in control.
someone, somewhere, will feed my data into a system and decide who i should marry.
like my entire personality is a quiz result waiting to be revealed.
what if it matches me with someone who sees right through me?
what if it matches me with someone who doesn’t?
either sounds dangerous.
fine.
i’m going.