I missed you
I swung for you
I hurled myself
I wrecked
I dropped
I raked
I threw
I hit
But I missed
Your lips roam across my skin
My breath catches, gets caught
Cages our bodies, bound too tight
I ache for your freedom
Trap me, hold me
Be my roots, so I can flow
Ground me down, stain me
Your tongue tied releases
you say “it’s not that deep.”
but i was never built for shallow.
i am bruises under words. i am elbows scraping the edge of the glass.
you say it like a joke. i take it like a wound.
i hope you think of me
when you touch someone else
and realize they aren’t
holding back a hurricane.
step 1: delete the messages
step 2: rewrite history
step 3: pretend it was your idea to leave first
What is this?
Don't know yet
Is it important?
Don't know yet
Who is it about?
Don't know yet
Why is it empty?
what if the thing i thought would break me
already did
and this — this version of me —
is the wreckage walking around pretending it's alive?
If you call me difficult again, I’ll carve it into my mirror backwards so I can see it when I do my eyeliner.
If I can’t be soft, I’ll be sharp.
If I can’t be held, I’ll be dangerous.
I tried to write something kind. It rotted before I hit save.
I don’t want forgiveness.
I want to be remembered in the burn mark.
I want to ruin someone's playlist.
I want someone to see me and flinch because they know how much I wanted to be seen.
being “difficult” just means i noticed
being “too much” means you hoped i wouldn’t
being “intense” means i was honest
and that scared you
I wrote him a message I never sent. Then I wrote a message pretending I hadn’t written the first. Then I blocked him before I could send either. This is what healing looks like, I guess.
Against the stream
Close to my spine
Forward
Right, cava
Backtrack
Release your poison
Hold my breath
Left
Leave me
soundtrack for breakdowns & breakthroughs: